"Evil Tarzan" Screenplay written by Peter Layton


FADE UP

EXT. THICK JUNGLE - EVENING

Through the POV of an unseen creature, we crash through jungle bushes on the
ground, then suddenly race up a tree trunk. Swooping and leaping from tree to tree
higher and higher, the creature abruptly stops, stares down at a "life raft" camp,
a large rubber platform dotted with tents perched on top of the jungle forest.

EXT. LIFE RAFT CAMP - NIGHT
"June 3rd, 1984" fades up and down over the tree fort camp, under attack from
an unseen enemy. In the dark, men run along the shaking, swaying platform,
screaming and firing rifles wildly at night shadows.

INT. LIFE RAFT TENT - NIGHT
A frantic JONATHAN GABLE hustles his wife KATHERINE and young son
JOSHUA into a tent, desperately piles blankets on top of them. Lit up by night
lights outside, monstrous shapes flow and glide rapidly along the tent canvas.

JONATHAN
Kath, Josh, stay down, don't move!


INT. BASE CAMP TENT - NIGHT
At a ground base camp, CALVIN DOUGLAS hurriedly limps on crutches into a
tent to a radio that Jonathan's urgent voice cuts in and out of over heavy static.

JONATHAN'S VOICE
Calvin! --ere? We'r---ing---tacked!

Throwing aside his crutches, Calvin grabs the mike.

CALVIN
Jonathan, this is Calvin! What's
wrong? What's happening?

INT. LIFE RAFT TENT - NIGHT
Now in a different tent, Jonathan crouches despairingly over a ham radio set.
Calvin's words barely come through all the heavy hissing and crackling.

CALVIN'S VOICE
--you…breaki…--ay agai--
A desperate Jonathan looks over at a tripod-mounted, _ inch video camera.

INT. BASE CAMP TENT - NIGHT
Now joined by a handful of sleepy, worried-looking students, Calvin shouts into
into the radio mike.

CALVIN
Jonathan, come in! Katherine?
Joshua? Can anybody hear me?

We FADE from a young Calvin staring at the hissing, crackling radio to…

PRESENT DAY - INT. UCLA OFFICE - DAY
…a now late 30's Calvin in his book-lined UCLA Professor's office staring at a
old video of Joshua, Katherine, and Jonathan clowning in the jungle.

CALVIN'S VOICE
Okay everybody, big Tarzan yell!

Standing by the TV are THOMAS WOODROW and ROBERT IRVIN, two
distinguished older men who reek of Old Money.

WOODROW
That was you, Calvin? You filmed this?

Nodding, Calvin touches the burned in date 06/02/84 on the tape.

CALVIN
June 2nd, they disappeared two days
later. But they…took my camera…

Looking at the rusty old _ inch video camera that the tape plays in, Calvin
suddenly tips it up. On its metal bottom is a scratched "UCLA" decal beside a
faded "Calvin Douglas 1984 Congo Expedition".

CALVIN
My God! Where did you get this?

WOODROW
A tourist in the Congo found it in
a small town market.

IRVIN
Some poachers had discovered it in a
gorilla nest, deep up-country.

CALVIN
What about...them...their remains?

WOODROW
They weren't found. Sorry, Calvin, we
know how close you were to them.

Nodding, Calvin gazes somberly as the tape shows Jonathan, Joshua, and
Katherine in a boat heading up-river to deeper jungle.

CALVIN
Jonathan and Katherine were like family.
Especially little Josh...look at that poor
kid, he was only 8 years old then.

Pausing, Calvin looks at Woodrow and Irvin, coughs sheepishly.

CALVIN
Uh, sorry, who are you again? I'm
really bad with people and names.

WOODROW
Thomas Woodrow. Our family
donated this building, Calvin. We
talked at the ribbon-cutting ceremony.

IRVIN
Robert Irvin. We've met at several
fund raising dinners.

Obviously at a loss, Calvin just nods absently. Woodrow begins fast-forwarding
the tape as Irvin guides Calvin to a chair.

IRVIN
We want you to see the last part…
and you better sit down.

On screen, scenes of people, mountains, jungle, and rivers whip by at high speed,
until Jonathan suddenly appears. Facing the camera, he's crouching by a kerosene
lamp in a dark tent, hiding and frightened.

JONATHAN
Whoever finds this, I'm Professor
Jonathan Gable! We're under attack!

Calvin winces as his taped voice sounds from the radio behind Jonathan.

CALVIN'S VOICE
…--ome in…—body!…--ear me?

JONATHAN
I found it! If we don't make it, I
want the world to know that—

A sudden monstrous shadow leaps up on the tent wall behind Jonathan. As he
screams and raises his rifle, the camera is knocked flat and goes to black.

CALVIN
My God…so that's what happened.
But who attacked them? And what
did he mean…I found it?

WOODROW
We don't know who attacked them.
Poachers, thieves, mercenaries…

IRVIN
As for what he found…well, you
did know what Professor Gable was
really looking for in the Congo, right?

At Calvin's puzzled frown, Woodrow slaps down a book, "The Congo's Lost City
of Gold", written by a "JK Jonathan". Calvin stares at it, slowly shakes his head.

CALVIN
Ah, gentlemen, Jonathan Gable was a
professor of serious archeology. As
am I. Neither of us would waste time
searching for or even reading this…this…

IRVIN
This book he wrote?

WOODROW
Or these?

Woodrow drops three more JK Jonathan books on the table. They're titled
"Atlantis Found!", "Noah's Ark Revealed!" and "Shangri La Discovered!".
Before a disbelieving Calvin, Woodrow slowly traces out the JK Jonathan name.

WOODROW
Joshua Katherine Jonathan. You
understand his need for a pen name.

CALVIN
I…I don't believe it.

IRVIN
Believe it, Calvin. We funded his
books and that 84 expedition.

Calvin stares at the two men, then realization flashes across his face.

CALVIN
Oh for God's sakes…he only wrote
this nonsense to raise money for
serious research. I hate to disappoint
you, but there are no lost cities of gold
in the Congo…or anywhere else, for
that matter.

Woodrow and Irvin just glance at each other, then smile thinly at Calvin.

WOODROW
Let's drop the pretense, shall we, sir?
There's no need to protect him now.

IRVIN
I mean, let's face it, you had to know
all about this.

There's a short silence, then Calvin scoops up the JK Jonathan books, hands
them to Woodrow and Irvin, and moves to the door to usher them out.

CALVIN
I don't have time for this, gentlemen.
Thank you for the videotape, I'll make
sure it goes to Archives.

IRVIN
Calvin, he said he found it. We all know
what he meant.

WOODROW
And we want you to finish his search.
We'll fund a return trip there for you.

Calvin stops, stares at Woodrow and Irvin, takes a deep breath, speaks slowly.

CALVIN
Jonathan and I believed that New World
civilizations like the Mayans, Aztec, and
Inca may have had an African origin.
(sharply)
I can't get funding for an expedition to
explore that theory. But you have money
for cities of gold? What about King
Solomon's mines? Or lost worlds of the
dinosaurs? Would you fund those as well?

Glaring back at Woodrow and Irvin, Calvin yanks the door open.

CALVIN
I don't have time to waste chasing myths
and legends. Good day.

Behind Calvin, waiting in the doorway is GWEN DOUGLAS. Mid-30's, stylish
and attractive, she sighs heavily.

GWEN
My apologies, gentlemen, my husband
isn't usually this rude.

Calvin spins to face Gwen.

CALVIN
Gwen! What are you doing here?

GWEN
Probably saving you. Before you say
anything else, honey, look at this.

Flipping up her laptop computer on Calvin's desk, Gwen nods over to Irvin
and Woodrow.

GWEN
Bob, Tom, you'll want to see this.

CALVIN
You know them?

Tapping on her keyboard, Gwen nods over to the video camera.

GWEN
They came to me first with that...
they'd confused professor Douglas of
geology…
(indicating herself)
…with professor Douglas of archeology.
(looking at Calvin)

Chagrined, Woodrow and Irvin clear their throats slightly in embarrassment.

GWEN
Anyway, I told them what I knew you'd
say...there's no city of gold in the Congo.
And I went to prove it. Here, look.

Calvin, Woodrow, and Irvin crowd around Gwen's laptop computer and frown
down at baffling multi-hued LandSat Mineral Radio Assay Photos. Titles read
"Auric Density Concentration", "Mineral Weights", and "Reflective Estimates".

CALVIN
Uh, Gwen, we're not geologists...

GWEN
This is the Congo taken by Land Sat,
a mapping satellite. There's little mineral
wealth in a jungle river basin, so these
are usually ignored.

Gwen waves her hand over a dark-hued photo image.

GWEN
Everything on earth, from metal to
trees, reflects heat and light. This is
mostly organic matter, jungle vegetation.
The computer can remove it…

On the computer screen, various colors begin disappearing from the photo map.

GWEN
…then eliminate the various soil
gradients, cloud shadows, water
reflections, and so on, to this…

Gwen points to a bright yellow speck on the LandSat photograph.

GWEN
And this data strongly suggests refined,
manufactured gold.

Both Woodrow and Irvin look enthusiastic, excited, but Calvin merely grunts and
points to several smaller, dimmer flecks and specks on the satellite photo.

CALVIN
What are these? Gold too?

GWEN
Probably not. More likely that's
bright sand, a mica deposit, or
transient glitches…this is still an
inexact science.

CALVIN
Uh huh…

GWEN
Ah, just wait. To remove any doubt,
I asked the computer to magnify and
extrapolate…fancy talk for filling in
the blanks by guessing…but look at
the gold now.

Calvin stares down, watching fascinated as the speck enlarges and various yellow
lines intersect, cross, and connect in geometric formations.

GWEN
Man-made design, not natural.

CALVIN
Not just any man-made design...

Suddenly grabbing a book off a shelf, Calvin rapidly leafs through it, flipping past
page after page of illustrations of ancient cities.

CALVIN
Rectangular court yard, pyramid
structure in center, roads radiating
out in concentric circles…that's a
classic Mayan construct. See?

Calvin stops, slaps down the open book for all to see. The illustration depicts a
jungle city similar to the computer model.

CALVIN
But this is in Guatemala. There shouldn't
be a similar one in the Congo...

Jerking bolt upright, Calvin stares at the old video camera, then races over to it,
hitting the rewind button until he comes to Jonathan facing the camera.

JONATHAN'S VOICE
I found it! If we don't make it--

Freezing the image, Calvin paces about the room.

CALVIN
God, that's it! That's what he meant!
He didn't find some imaginary lost city of
gold, he found a key to human history!
(to Woodrow and Irvin)
Mr. Woodchuck, Mr. Irwin, I'll go!

Brushing off their mispronounced names, Woodrow and Irvin grin in delight.

WOODROW
Excellent, excellent! Just one thing
we ask…this is all very hush-hush
top secret, so you can't tell anybody
about this lost city of gold.

CALVIN
(dryly)
Trust me, I won't say a word about it.

INT. AIRPORT - DAY
Waiting in a long line-up, Calvin frowns down at a glossy photo of Gwen's
enlarged, extrapolated satellite map, shakes his head at Gwen.

CALVIN
This isn't accurate enough for a field
search.

GWEN
Archives will send me a more detailed
map. And we have regular maps and
that old video to follow until then.

Muttering dubiously, Calvin checks his watch, looks around.

CALVIN
Where the hell's Tammy? For that
matter, where's your assistant...what's
his name again?

GWEN
Kyle. Who's Tammy? You've never--

Interrupting, TAMMY GRETCHEN, early 20's, blonde, and beautiful, rushes up.

TAMMY
Cal, customs is still freaking over
our computer equipment!
(to Gwen)
Gwen Douglas? I'm Tammy Gretchen.

Tammy and Gwen quickly shake hands.

TAMMY
I'll fix this! Be right back!

Along with every man in the line-up, Gwen watches Tammy leave, then looks
coolly at Calvin.

GWEN
Well…she's very pretty.

CALVIN
And a top student, a computer whiz,
plus speaks Dutch, German, and--

From behind, the deep voice of KYLE SIMPSON interrupts Calvin.

KYLE
Professor Douglas?

In unison, Calvin and Gwen both turn towards Kyle, a chiseled young hunk.

KYLE
Oh, you're Calvin, the husband?
I'm Kyle Simpson. Heard a lot
about you, sir.

Shaking Kyle's hand, Calvin flicks a raised eyebrow glance at Gwen, which she
ignores.

TAMMY
Done! Computer gear is checked in!

The onrushing Tammy stops dead at the sight of Kyle. There's a heavy pause full
of instant sexual attraction.

CALVIN
Tammy…Kyle. Kyle…Tammy.

Pheromones filling the air, Tammy and Kyle shake hands, then turn away, busying
themselves with nothing, but both sneak a glance back.

WOODWARD (O/S)
Calvin! Oh, Calvin!

Calvin and Gwen turn to face approaching Woodward and Irvin. Waving back,
Calvin mutters out of the side of his mouth.

CALVIN
What's their names again?

GWEN
Tom Woodward, Bob Irvin.

Woodward is ahead of Irvin as they approach the smiling Calvin.

CALVIN
Hi, Bob, come to send us off?

WOODWARD
Ah, I'm Tom. Bob's behind me.
Need to speak to you, Calvin.

Woodward and Irvin lead Calvin away from the rest of the group.

IRVIN
Little hiccup in our documentary plans.
Our camera man quit on us this morning.
He just sold a script to a studio.

WOODWARD
So we've hired two free-lancers who
shoot African war footage for CNN.

IRVIN
They'll meet you there. But, they're…
ah, a little rough and ready, shall we say.


EXT. AFRICAN AIRPORT - MORNING
It's hot and sweaty in the Matadi International Airport. At the head of a long
line, Calvin and Gwen argue with two CUSTOM OFFICIALS.

CALVIN
But our equipment has approval from
the Ministry of Antiquities! Look!

Both officials barely glance at the official stamped permit in Calvin's hand.

OFFICIAL #1
That permit doesn't have the required
Customs stamp, sir.

GWEN
And how do we get this stamp?

OFFICIAL #2
Fill out the forms, your request will
be processed. Now step aside, please,
there are others waiting.

Two men, the burly KURT and the wiry VIC, abruptly push their way through the
waiting line to the front. Kurt claps Calvin on the shoulder.

KURT
Hey, you that American professor?
I'm Kurt, he's Vic…camera crew.

Vic nods at Calvin, but he's eyeballing Tammy. Kurt looks at the two officials.

KURT
Got a problem? Like your equipment
don't have the right papers, maybe?

CALVIN
Well, yes, but we have all the permits.

Stifling snickers, Vic and Kurt smirk at each other.

VIC
Let us handle this, doc. We been
through here many times…and we
always carry the right papers.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY - MORNING
Kyle and Tammy snap open locks, checking their precious computer and geologic
equipment. Hovering near Tammy is Vic, who gives her a gap-toothed grin.

VIC
Need a man's hand there, honey?

TAMMY
It's Tammy. And no thank you.

VIC
You're pretty. We get up country,
I'd get a dozen cows for you.

Laptop in hand, Kyle walks up to Tammy, blocking Vic out.

KYLE
Excuse me. Tammy, what's your
E-mail encryption? PGP?

Staring into the back of the taller Kyle, Vic mutters something, walks off. Tammy
silently mouths, "Thanks". At the front desk, KAMPRA TOR, a portly, well-
dressed, officious man approaches Calvin.

KAMPRA
Professor Calvin Douglas, UCLA?
I am Kampra Tor, Department of
Antiquities. Welcome to the
Democratic Republic of the Congo.

CALVIN
Thank you, Mr. Tor.

KAMPRA
Actually, sir, it's Mr. Kampra, not
Mr. Tor. Our custom is to put our
family name first.

Kampra eyes the mound of expedition equipment piled up in the hotel lobby.

KAMPRA
I see you had no trouble getting your
equipment in. How…fortunate. Often
there are problems. However…

Lowering his voice, Kampra takes Calvin by the elbow, leads him off.

KAMPRA
You have two geologists with you?

CALVIN
My wife and her assistant. Why?

KAMPRA
Sadly, we've had cases of oil and gas
companies posing as archeological
expeditions to do illegal prospecting.
(quickly, soothingly)
Not in this case, of course. However,
a new department policy mandates that
I must accompany you on your trip.

Calvin can't help but shoot a quick, uneasy glance at Kampra's ample belly.

CALVIN
You're…coming with us?
Catching Calvin's glance, Kampra smiles icily.

KAMPRA
I appreciate your concern for my
health. Please, don't worry.
Admittedly, this shall be my first ever
expedition, but I quite often go for
long garden walks.

EXT. JUNGLE RIVER BANK - DAY
The last Land Rover bounces to a stop off of a pitted, rocky road, joining the
caravan of other vehicles at the dock of a steamship boat. Slowly, stiffly, Kampra
climbs out, stares acidly at the Rover driver.

KAMPRA
Thank you for not missing a single
rock or pothole.

Slapping bugs, wiping sweat off his brow, Kampra stands under a sun umbrella,
watching Calvin supervising the loading of the steamship by Vic, Kurt, Kyle,
Gwen, and Tammy.

CALVIN
Easy now, this is heavy! Careful of
the science equipment! Get the camp
supplies under tarp before it rains!

As Vic and Kurt lift their camera gear up, Kyle notices both men carry concealed
handguns. The next thing they haul on board is a canvas bag that loudly clinks of
glass bottles. Kurt winks roguishly at the concerned Calvin.

KURT
This heat, doc, gotta keep topped up.


EXT. JUNGLE RIVER - DAY
Belching black smoke, the steamship heads up the river into deeper, darker jungle.

INT. BOAT - DAY
An alarmed-looking Kampra steps out of his small room, intercepts Calvin. KAMPRA
Calvin, I must have the wrong room.
Mine has no facilities.

CALVIN
None of them do. You pee over
the side or, for bigger jobs, you
walk the plank.

Calvin points to a wide wooden beam leading to an oval bucket with an open
bottom that hangs off the side over the water.

CALVIN
Squat and drop. Try and go at night.

Calvin leaves Kampra open-mouthed and aghast to join an amused Gwen.

GWEN
Told him about the poop deck?

Calvin's grinning nod is caught on tape by Kurt, practicing his video camera zoom.
Vic tugs at his arm, points over to Tammy. Bent over, absorbed in her computer,
she's showing a lot of cleavage.

VIC
Boob shot…

On instinct, Tammy glances up, catching Kurt's leering camerawork. He quickly
zooms past her to Kyle, alone in the back of the boat, checking camping equipment
under a tarp. Through the lens, Kurt watches Kyle frowning over a core sampler,
drill bits, and assaying gear.

KURT
(muttering)
Vic, I used to work in a mine…these
people are bringing equipment to look
for gold or diamonds.


EXT. JUNGLE RIVER - NIGHT
At night anchor, the steamboat floats mid-stream under starry skies.

INT. BOAT GALLEY - NIGHT
Carrying a stew pot, Calvin comes out of the kitchen to the dinner table where
Gwen, Kyle, Tammy, and Kampra sit hungrily. PLOP! Calvin drops a mush-pile
of runny beef stew onto Kampra's plate.

CALVIN
Grub's up, dig in.

Gulping, Kampra stares down at the brown slop on his plate.

KAMPRA
I…I must pray first.

As Calvin cheerfully doles out the dinner, Vic and Kurt begin videotaping.

GWEN
Ah yes, good idea, anybody dies
of food poisoning, we'll have the
crime on tape.

CALVIN
Oh, how droll. Guys, eat now, film
later. Grab a plate, have a seat.

Vic quickly weasels his way in between Tammy and Kyle, bumping Kyle over.
Kyle notices the rust-like old blood stains on the video equipment.

KYLE
Jeez…is that blood?

VIC
Yeah. Up in Rwanda, somebody's
brains got splattered on our gear.

KYLE
Geez…not yours, I hope.

Amidst the snorts of laughter, Vic manages a tight, pained grin.

EXT. RIVER DOCK - MORNING
As the steam-ship is being unloaded by local bearers, Calvin takes Gwen by the
hand, points to a nearby collection of tents.

CALVIN
This was our base camp in 84…
where I twisted my damn ankle
and was left behind.

GWEN
Honey, if you'd gone with them…

CALVIN
I know, I know. Anyway, from here,
we're two days away from whatever
Jonathan found, wherever it is.

Near the boat, Kyle comes up to Tammy, speaks quietly.

KYLE
Okay, we're here. Now how about
telling me what's really going on?

TAMMY
Uh…we're looking for evidence of a
possible link between African and Mayan
civilizations…I thought you knew that.

Kyle takes a long pensive look at Tammy.

KYLE
I found something on the boat
yesterday.

Taking Tammy over to the camp equipment, Kyle quickly unrolls a sack full of
camping gear…tent poles, clamps, pots, pans, etc. Looking around to make sure
nobody's watching, Kyle points to a metal device, then to drill bits.

KYLE
This is mining equipment...assayers
and core bits for surface samples.
Somebody hid this stuff in--

From behind, Calvin suddenly speaks loudly.

CALVIN
Everything okay?

Tammy and Kyle jerk back, startled. Kyle quickly closes the bag.

KYLE
Yes, sir! Just checking equipment!

Calvin nods. Joining them, Gwen glances at the bag, then Kyle, says nothing.

CALVIN
Good. If you're finished, I want you
to meet these bearers that Mr. Kampra
hired.

Calvin looks over to a dozen local bearers, hoisting equipment, supplies, and food
onto their backs. Kampra stands watching, supervising.

CALVIN
I make a point to ask each one his
name. Not just to be friendly, but
because on the last day, come tip
time, there's suddenly twenty guys
all saying they helped.

KYLE
Wow, you can remember all their
names?

Calvin looks embarrassed and rueful as both Gwen and Tammy laugh out loud.

TAMMY
You obviously don't know Calvin
very well!

Gwen's laughter slows, her smile fades she gives Tammy a look, then Calvin.
Obviously, Tammy knows Calvin better than Gwen thought she did.

EXT. TOP OF JUNGLE HILL - DAY
Leading the group and bearers up to a hill clearing, Calvin calls back to them.

CALVIN
Break! Ten minutes!
(to Tammy)
Video check.

As Tammy snaps open her lap-top, Gwen slips out a satellite phone.

EXT. BOTTOM OF JUNGLE HILL - DAY
Holding a satellite phone to his ear, Kyle sighs, mutters tersely.

KYLE
We're taking another breaky-poo.

Kyle stares over at Kampra, a round blob of steam lying on the ground, moaning.

KAMPRA
Infernal heat…devilish insects…
this is eternal perdition.

EXT. TOP OF JUNGLE HILL - DAY

On Tammy's laptop screen, a streaming video MPEG clip of Jonathan's tape plays,
showing a small river.

CALVIN
Yeah, we passed that already.

INT. BOTTOM OF JUNGLE HILL - DAY
Kyle stands over the prone, rotund Kampra.

KYLE
How about I carry some of your stuff?

Nodding gratefully, Kampra watches Kyle scoop up his backpack, the looks about
at the jungle, shuddering.

KAMPRA
Dreadful place…savage and merciless.
Why, only last month, four poachers,
perhaps deserving their fate, were
found ripped to shreds.

KYLE
Really? By what? Lions? Gorillas?